{"id":125,"date":"2019-09-30T15:43:46","date_gmt":"2019-09-30T20:43:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/?p=125"},"modified":"2023-03-15T14:37:16","modified_gmt":"2023-03-15T20:37:16","slug":"learning-to-speak-the-love-languages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/?p=125","title":{"rendered":"Learning to Speak the Love Languages"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n

Learning to Speak the Love Languages<\/strong><\/h3>\r\n

\u201cStrangely enough, one can be loved and accepted unconditionally and still not feel\u00a0genuinely loved. What feels like love will vary with the individual \u2013 this is why you\u00a0must know your mate so well. One person may measure love by the way his material\u00a0needs are met, or by tangible items such as expensive gifts. Another may feel loved\u00a0when her husband helps her with the dishes. One will measure love by the amount of\u00a0time spent together, or by the quality of openness and sharing of thoughts between two. Another desperately needs to hear often the words: I love you. Still another\u00a0measures love by physical affection\u2013hugs and kisses. One person puts a heavy\u00a0emphasis on the loyalty shown by the mate, especially in public. Another values\u00a0sensitivity shown to feelings. Some will measure love by the support given to their\u00a0personal growth and development. There are so many languages of love! While all I\u00a0have mentioned are important, some of them will have special, even critical\u00a0significance for your mate on an emotional level. Learn what speaks love to your\u00a0partner; then express your love in ways that cannot be doubted.\u201d Ed Wheat,\u00a0Love Life<\/em><\/p>\r\n

Gary Chapman has written a number of practical books on what he calls The Five Love\u00a0Languages (including books relating the \u201clove languages\u201d to teens and to children.) He\u00a0suggests that there are five love languages, each with various dialects:<\/p>\r\n

Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts,\u00a0Acts of Service, Physical Touch<\/h2>\r\n

Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary love language. Less seldom do\u00a0families share the same primary love languages. And, our primary love language may\u00a0change over time.\u00a0We have \u201clove tanks\u201d that need to be regularly filled. We need to learn to speak our\u00a0loved ones\u2019 primary love languages to fill their tanks. When your spouse feels secure\u00a0in your love, they will be happier and more fulfilled. When their love tank is empty,\u00a0they feel used and worthless; their world feels dark and oppressive.
A person\u2019s criticisms and complaints can be major clues to what their primary love\u00a0language is. In other words, a spouse\u2019s criticisms about your behavior can provide you\u00a0with the clearest clue to her primary love language. People tend to criticize their
spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional\u00a0need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love.<\/p>\r\n

Questions to consider when determining your primary love language, in addition to\u00a0the formal assessment:<\/strong>
How did your parents show you love? When did you feel most loved by them?
How do you express love to your spouse (or a close friend)?
How do you express love to your children?
What does a loved one do or not do that hurts you most deeply?
What type of things do you most often request of your spouse?
In what way do you most regularly express love to your spouse?
What first attracted you to your spouse or made you think that he or she cared for\u00a0you?<\/p>\r\n

Clues for discovering your spouse\u2019s (or a child\u2019s) primary language:<\/strong>
Pay close attention to how they express love to you and others. People tend to try to\u00a0show love in ways they want to be loved.
Listen to what they request most often.
Consider what they complain about most.
Ask them. Or ask them to do the assessment.
*Do not \u201cpeg\u201d them into a box. Remember, an adult\u2019s love languages can change, and\u00a0children\u2019s languages may change as they grow.<\/p>\r\n

Run an experiment.<\/strong>\u00a0If it is still hard to understand what most communicates love,\u00a0make a best guess of what their primary love language is. Attempt to practice\u00a0showing love in specific ways in this language for the next two weeks. See if it makes\u00a0a difference. If not, try another language for another two weeks.<\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Learning to Speak the Love Languages \u201cStrangely enough, one can be loved and accepted unconditionally and still not feel\u00a0genuinely loved. What feels like love will […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=125"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":809,"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/125\/revisions\/809"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/psychology-resources.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}